In this video shows the man who doing campaign about free
hugs to the people on th street by holding the sign “ Free Hugs”. First, the
man with the sign has brown medium hair, he also wearing glasses. He walked in
the center of the street and holding sign “ free hugs”. At first, when the man walked while
holding the sign, the responds of the
people around him was looking like didn’t care to him, when the man also tried
to offer hugs to some people he looked, that people still walked and didn’t
care to him. But, when the older woman approached him and offered the man to
give her a hug. The man looked happy, and began to give that old woman a hug.
And then Free hugs started, one by one of the people around him tried to do
free hugs. After that the police came to the man and banned the free hugs
campaign. After the police banned to do free hugs, the people continued doing free hugs campaign
and they tried to collect 10 thousands signatures. Next they got 10 thousands
signatures. In the end they reached 10 thousands signatures, and all people did
free hugs again even the police also did free hug when the girl offer him to do
free hug. And finally, the main point of video was how the man holding the sign
“ Free hugs” walked in the middle of the street could invite one by one people
to do free hug. accepting free hug when
someone offering to do free hug. In this video also shows the togetherness when we doing free hugs in
the social environment.
you can check or watch the video by click here
nice writing, but I've found a mistake in your writing about the grammar. You need to focus on your grammar such us the tenses that you used, for example in this sentences "In this video shows the man who doing campaign..." you need to change it to "In this video shows the man who was doing campaign". and about the time order, you have used it and it suitable with the sentences. thank you
BalasHapusOutline Paragraph about Free Hug Campaign
BalasHapusTitle : Free Hug Campaign
Topic Sentence : Man who doing campaign about free hugs to the people on the street by holding the sign Free Hugs
A. Major supporting and minor supporting sentences:
1. Describes the man’s appearance.
Ø Has brown medium hair
Ø Wearing glasses
2. He walked around, and none care with that.
Ø People still walked and didn’t care to him.
3. Old woman approach and give him a hug
Ø Man looked happy, and began to give that old woman a hug
4. One by one of the people around him tried to do free hugs
5. Police banned the campaign
6. He collects 10.000 signatures
Ø They got 10 thousands signatures
7. People do the campaign too
Ø All people did free hugs again even the police also did free hug when the girl offer him to do free hug
8. Main point/ value of the campaign
Ø The togetherness when we doing free hugs in the social environment
B. Suggestion
1. In (you don’t need this preposition in this sentence) this video (don’t use this sentence at the first sentence because we don’t report something) shows the man who (you need to be “is” here) doing campaign about free hugs to the people on th street by holding the sign “ Free Hugs”.
2. I think this is a good paragraph, I got the idea but the thing that you should revise is that the way you put major and minor sentences, try to arrange it well, also about the time order, try to use good time order, not to rewrite the time that you use before.